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Fart |
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Im not here right now because I don't feel like to talking to any of you so why dont you leave me a message so i have something to delete and maybe then i'll come back.
Scroll Down
You scrolled down so far and what do you get?**FART** |
| submitted by: by:
InternetJunkeeGurl |
| date:
2004-06-24 |
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Nothing |
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I'll be back before you can figure this out:
When someone asks: What'd you do today and you answer nothing it makes no sense because nothing is something everything is something so when you say nothing you are saying something nothing is something nothing is not nothing nothing is something.
my point is I'll never be back. |
| submitted by: by:
InternetJunkeeGurl |
| date:
2004-06-24 |
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Death Count |
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A plane crashed into a cemetary in Europe early this morning. It was a two seater Cessna, creating the worst death count yet. Digging has found 126 bodies in 4 hrs, and is expected to continue. |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-25 |
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Golfing Funeral |
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Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, ''Why did you do that?''
The man replies, ''Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.'' |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-25 |
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Tornado And Redneck |
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What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer. |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-25 |
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Couch |
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A lady walks into a Furniture Mega Store. She browses around, then spots the perfect leather sofa and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, sure enough, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely leather sofa?" He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price." |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-26 |
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Heaven And Hell |
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John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends . One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St.Peter and said, "St.Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can't find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn''t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I'm in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn't!'' |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-27 |
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Shot To The Heart |
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Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee. |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-27 |
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Highway Patrol |
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A California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer pulls over a woman for speeding. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, "I bet you're going to sell me tickets to the Highway Patrol Ball."
He replied, "No, highway patrolmen don't have Balls." There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he had said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-28 |
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No Title |
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You are cool witch means you are constipated overwaited outofstyle loser so get lost Loser.
][xxxxxxxxxxxx][::::::::::::> |
| submitted by: by:
barkersdozen1 |
| date:
2004-06-28 |
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Submit your own Away Messages : on our buddy icons website |
| Use this Away Message |
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And now for our daytime soups....Homicide: Life on Sesame Street.
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert. |
| submitted by: by:
Walrus |
| date:
2004-06-29 |
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10 Dirty Things To Say About Golf |
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10 things in golf that sound dirty...
1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again. |
| submitted by: by:
rbell356 |
| date:
2004-06-29 |
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Senior Citizen |
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There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!'' |
| submitted by: by:
achar310 |
| date:
2004-06-29 |
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